bliss_immunity | (no subject)

Juliet walks quietly too, her head down a bit. She knows that she probably sounds crazy, and she won't blame him if he'd rather be as far away from her as he can.

When they finally reach her hut, she looks at him again and opens her mouth, looking for something to say, but nothing comes. She tries again.

"I'm sorry I keep dumping this...all of this, on you. I can't even imagine what I must sound like from your perspective."

He shrugs. "It's hardly the strangest thing I've ever witnessed," he replies, sounding casual while trying to be encouraging.

"I just wish I could help somehow. I'm not sure what that would look like though. I mean... what do you want?" He's trying to tread delicately because not too long ago he's pretty certain she was crying.

Juliet looks a little helpless at that and she avoids his eyes, because what she wants and what's realistic are two different things.

"I want...to not feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't want to fall apart around you. I want someone to help me figure this out, but I don't know how anyone can."

"Juliet," he says compassionately. "You'll probably fall apart several times when you try to figure this out. Like you said, something has happened to you that your mind has blocked out. If you want to get to the bottom of it, you'll first have to decide whether it's something you want to find out. If you're ready for that kind of emotion."

She finally looks up at him and she wants to fall apart now, but even though he's just acknowledged that it will happen, she doesn't want to do it. She feels like she should be stronger around him. Which she feels is a ridiculous thought, but you never want someone you respect to think you're weak.

"Come inside for some tea? It's the least I can do for asking you to leave the get together." She needs to tell him what Carolyn suggested anyway.

"Alright," he replies with a nod. He hadn't intended to stay, but now he's certain she shouldn't be left alone. "I like tea."

She goes about making the tea, inviting him to sit on her couch which isn't any fancier than his is. When she's done, she walks out, with two mugs. "I'm sorry, I don't have any sugar," she apologizes before sitting next to him.

She's quiet for a minute before she looks over. "Carolyn suggested I get hypnotized, did I tell you that?"

"No, you hadn't. Are you going to go through with it? It's probably a good idea." Maybe the best plan they had on the island unless he decided to take up the scientific challenge and figure out how to build a construct with what they had available.

"I don't know if I am or not," she says with a shake of her head. "It seems like a good idea, you're right. But in the same breath, I don't know that as a medical doctor I believe that it will actually work. I'm open to it, I'm willing to try, I just don't want it to be a waste of time."

"Do you have a shortage of time? Or something more pressing that you'd rather do?" He would agree with her that he's not certain it will work. Especially now that his psychology research has turned more down the path of amnesia and repressed memory, but it was worth a try at least.

"Did you have something else in mind?"

"No, of course not," she says, shaking her head. And his comment slightly embarrasses her because no, there's nothing else she'll be doing on the island in her spare time. And all she has is spare time.

"If I'm going to do it, I want to do it. Not drag this out longer until I finally lose my mind."

"Well maybe you should talk to someone in the Psychology Office. I've got some experience, but I don't have any of my equipment here. I've been studying for the program and there are several methods to try that don't include hypnotherapy. But it does require therapy."

"I don't know anyone to trust...what I'm being told. But I know you. I trust you," she says, looking at him seriously. "I know there's no reason for you to care, but I..."

She looks back down at her hands. "I'd like your help, in whatever form it may be."

"Everyone is trustworthy in that department," he replies with confidence. "I ... I don't think I'm qualified Juliet. Not to help you to recover those memories." He's quiet for a moment.

"I'm happy to help, but ..." He takes a breath. He's not entirely sure what she wants him to do and he's not entirely sure how he should offer to help.

"I want you to be there," she says, and it's barely audible, but she repeats herself, louder. "When I go to get hypnotized, I mean. I'd like for you to be there."

"Of course," he replies. He sips at his tea which has gone a little cold due to his inattention.

She's quiet for a minute, her tea completely forgotten before she speaks.

"Thank you, Joshua," she says softly. Her knee nudges his, but she still feels defeated somehow, because everything is just emotionally draining.

"Too bad I don't have any liquor," she decides.

"It's hardly anything to thank me for, but you're welcome."

After a moment, he asks her, "Why me?" Logically he knows that they've shared some time together. And perhaps there's a bond, but he's curious and perhaps just needs it spelled out.

For a second she's thrown by the question, but then she realizes what he asked her and she can't stop the red that rises in her cheeks.

"I just...you...I know you, I trust you, I like you, and I don't want to be by myself."

She says everything sort of rushed, and then she finally does take a sip of her tea before clearing her throat a little.

"I see," he replies. And then he's silent for a moment, letting it sink in.

"OK." He says at last with a nod.

God, she feels like she's sixteen, admitting a secret crush, and right at this moment she wouldn't mind disappearing and reappearing anywhere else on the island, even Dino territory.

"I don't want to over step or come between whatever it is you and Carolyn have, I'm sorry..."

"Carolyn ... and I? You don't want to come between our friendship?" He's trying to follow whatever it is she's saying.

"Juliet, what's this about?"

She looks just as shocked as he sounds, and she looks up at him in surprise. "You're just friends?" She'd thought for sure that there was something else there.

"You thought something else was going on?" He's quiet for a moment and then he laughs. "I ... I've never had anything other than friendships and professional relationships. I'm flattered you thought that though."

"You do understand that I just said I like you, right?" she asks with a slight frown, because she's sure he didn't.

His smile lasts for a few moments after she speaks and then fades rather quickly. "What? You don't mean as in you enjoy my companionship or even in a platonic way, do you?"

And then he's back pedaling even further. "Don't answer that actually." And he's set aside his cup and he's standing and shaking his head. "You know. You know what. Maybe I should go."

"I should go," he says decisively, though he hesitates a moment before actually going.

Juliet's so shocked by this reaction, because it isn't what she expected, and now she really feels like shit.

"Joshua, don't, I'm not, I didn't..." She takes a deep breath and tries again.

"Please don't go. I didn't even mean for it to come out like that...or...at all. But I do want your help. I need your help."

"Listen, I'll help you. Don't worry about that. Just don't like me. Not like that."

"I'm sorry. It's... just... not a good time. I'm..." He closes his eyes for a moment because suddenly this has turned into a train wreck with him actually trying to run away from her. And only half of it has to do with his past and none of it has to do with her.

"I have to go," he repeats again, opening his eyes. This time he does go, but not back to his hut. He goes for a long walk to clear his head and try to figure out what just happened and how he'd lost it so badly just then.

Juliet feels like an ass, because she hadn't meant for anything to go down like that, she hadn't even meant to tell him anything. And now she's just afraid it will be awkward - who is she kidding, it will be, and she buries her face in her hands.

She'll just give him space, she decides. If he ever feels like talking to her again, things will work out.