bliss_immunity | (no subject)

Entry tags:

trau

(no subject)

It's easy when it's raining non stop and people are switching bodies and there's people showing up in Dinosaur Territory and then you're lying in bed sick dreaming about something that never happened to get it into your head that this is a crazy place where only craziness happens and no happiness can exist.

But you'd be wrong if you thought that. Joshua finds Tabula Rasa to be an overall normal place, if not a little boring compared to his previous life. Sure, there are some things that are downright freaky, but then there were things like that happening every day on the Mother Ship half of them perpetrated by his own hand or under his own orders.

Still, days like this one are much more the norm than the exception. Days spent walking along the beach or swimming in the ocean. Quiet days with plenty of time for reflection and contemplation. Or, as some people are more inclined, time to run from their pasts by filling their days with other things. And maybe he's doing a little of both, but he figures there's no real way to run from your past here and there's no way to avoid quiet contemplation. Even with a day filled with activities and other people and responsibilities. The past has a way of catching up with you.

So do made up pasts that never actually happened except in a dream. The thought is a bit overwhelming for Joshua. He's still a little annoyed by the idea that the island would need to push them together in such a way, but what's done is done. And today's agenda is to have a normal day at the beach with Juliet. He's come prepared with supplies from the box: towels, a blanket and swimwear (for himself). Snacks and water from the kitchen and even a large umbrella.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Juliet hugs him back, burying her face in his neck. She lets the motion of the waves rock them a little before she pulls back to look at him. She's quiet for a while, searching his eyes.

"I love you, Joshua."

He waits as she searches his eyes, he's not sure what she's looking for, but he certainly doesn't mind her declaration. He gives a smile. It's small, but it's sincere and it reaches his eyes.

"I love you, Juliet. I wish I could make things better for you." He only says it because of the serious moment in their conversation. He feels it often, but never says it.

"It's worth it, in the end," she smiles.

And then, taking advantage of the seriousness, Juliet attempts to dunk Joshua under water, but she doesn't have much on him, and she ends up (somehow) at his back, her arms and legs around him.

He's laughing now because her best attempt at dunking him in the water has ended with her on his back like some kind of starfish.

"Just what exactly are you doing?" he asks, still smiling.

Juliet's laughing too, and she presses her face against his neck. "I was trying to push you under water, and then I realized you're much stronger than me, too late."

"If you want to go under the water, just let me know," he replies, feigning as though he's going to dunk her by leaning backward and instead just dipping them down into the water slowly.

Juliet holds on tighter when he leans back, actually honest to God giggling before she lets go of him and does indeed sleep down into the water. The cold feels good over her head and she swims out a bit before coming back up, floating on her back, her hair fanning out around her like a halo.

No matter how sick she's been, she realizes that in this moment she's happy, and she grins to herself.

"Hey, Joshua," she calls out, not moving otherwise.

Edited 2010-08-13 12:19 (UTC)

"Hey," he replies, somber for a moment as he watches her. Sometimes, despite all the crazy, it's difficult to believe this is his reality now.

She lets herself float for a minute, thinking about what she's going to say before finally speaking again.

"I want to marry you."

It's her answer from before, it's what she knows is right no matter how long she thinks about it.

"I told you not to tell me," he replies quietly, but there's a small smile on his face. An appreciative smile.

"So what am I supposed to do? Show up one day in a wedding dress?" she teases, but she plants her feet on the bottom and stands upright.

"If we both know, then why am I not telling you?"

"I want you to be able to change your mind. It's too soon. And we're not going to do it just because you're pregnant. That's how this thing works, right?" He's taking cues from what she's told him and what he discovered through his researches both on the Mother Ship and on Tabula Rasa.

And while everything he says would sound a lot more desperate if it weren't for his confident tone and careful timing.

"Why would I change my mind?" she asks with a little frown, and her eyes are a little worried.

"I'm not...I didn't say yes because I'm pregnant. If you would have asked me to marry you the first time you kissed me Joshua, I would have said yes."

"Really? You don't think that would have been too soon? Everything we know about each other is based on a dream." He's just trying to be logical.

Now he's making her doubt again, and she opens her mouth to say something but then closes it again. Finally, she figures it out.

"Then why did you ask to begin with?"

While she's figuring out what she wants to ask, he looks past her at this beautiful tropic island on which they know live. Had he lived to be one hundred, he would never have lived in such a place. Even going on two months later, it still surprises him. He wonders if it will always be like that and thinks that perhaps it should.

"I asked because I meant it," he replies, not having to think about his answer. "But I'm a V. We got married in a dream and I remember it being great. And what do I know about human emotion?" And the worst part is that he liked her answer.

Juliet casts her eyes past him, at a spot on the horizon and swallows heavily. She smiles, but it's not the type of smile that reaches her eyes. It's born out of being uncomfortable and unsure.

"Then what do you know about how you feel about me, Joshua?"

"I meant what do I know about how humans feel their emotions. I know very well how I feel about you."

Juliet covers her face, already cursing her hormones because she feels like she's about to cry, and that would just prove that she has no control over her emotions.

"I love you. You know how you feel about me." She moves to float on her back again because staring up at the sky is better than trying to avoid his eyes.

"Whatever we do with that...it can't be completely up to me. That's not fair."

"I'm not putting it all on you," he replies. "This is why I told you not to tell me. So it wouldn't all be on you. We could have a normal progression to our relationship. Whatever that is because I don't know."

"I'm sorry if I don't want to become your second ex-husband. I want to do this right and I don't know it looks like." He's frustrated. There's a reason for his request, but it seems impossible to put to words. And even though she probably knows all of his secrets from the dream because he can still remember the parts of the dream in which he told them, he still feels like she doesn't understand. And perhaps it's because if he doesn't understand how can she?

"Well we skipped normal progression when I got pregnant, don't you think?"

And she knows she shouldn't snap at him but it just comes out and she immediately feels badly for it as she stands back up so suddenly that she stumbles a little in the water.

"Do you think I should stay in my hut, Joshua? Are you ready for me to move in with you?"

He's already reaching out a hand to stabilize her, despite her comment.

"No," he answers quickly to her question about staying in her hut. It's not an option. He thinks it's a pretty pointless idea. "I'm ready."

"And I was ready to marry you the first time I kissed you."

Juliet sighs softly, and when he has a hand on her, she can't help it, she moves closer to him and lays her head on his shoulder.

"Just because we know we're ready, doesn't mean we have to get married tomorrow, or the next day, or next month...or hell in the next nine months. Because I love you, and I know that. It's not changing. If it hadn't been for me thinking you had something going with Carolyn, I would have kissed you a lot sooner," she admits.

Joshua smiles. "As a matter of interest, how much sooner?" He wonders what his reaction would have been.

"I wish I'd had a clue about it, but I'm afraid I'm still learning."

"When I saw you again after the dinosaurs. I was just...I was so glad to see you after we got separated." She takes a deep breath and presses her face against his neck.

"Are we okay?" she asks quietly.