Joshua (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bliss_immunity) wrote2010-08-03 11:37 pm
bliss_immunity) wrote2010-08-03 11:37 pm
(no subject)
Joshua had been feeling restless lately. He wasn't sure what started it. It wasn't anything Juliet or the children had done. It wasn't his job which he still found fulfilling. Perhaps it was the fact that he'd taken a much less active role with the Column in order to protect his family. Maybe he missed the adrenaline rush from living so close to the edge. He'd never been a thrill seeker. At least not in his mind. In his mind, he had always been a normal guy thrust into extraordinary circumstances. He'd simply risen to the challenge.
Now there are no challenges. The every day challenges of raising the children while keeping his marriage fresh, strong and alive. The challenges his job brings. And in the back somewhere the very real threat of being discovered by Anna. But there's no threat of death around every corner. No more sleepless nights worrying something he's done or being haunted by an unspeakable past.
And perhaps that is part of the problem. He knows how very lucky he is. He knows what he has is something most Visitors don't even bother imagining. He knows he's the start of what the Column wanted to see happen or at least hoped could happen. But it's hard to be a soldier your entire life and then come home to domestic life. He's had a very good run at it, but he can feel his grip loosening.
He doesn't want to tell her. He's hoping he's just imagining. Even though each passing day the feeling only grows. He's hoping maybe the Column will need him again. That something will change, but every day it's the same thing.
Tonight, after he's tucked Elizabeth in and Juliet is feeding Jonah, he tells her he's going out for some air. He's out there looking at the stars, missing the truth of who he is and tired of living this life that feels like he's laid down and stopped standing up for what he believes in. And even as he knows that's not the truth, he can't stop himself from feeling it.
Now there are no challenges. The every day challenges of raising the children while keeping his marriage fresh, strong and alive. The challenges his job brings. And in the back somewhere the very real threat of being discovered by Anna. But there's no threat of death around every corner. No more sleepless nights worrying something he's done or being haunted by an unspeakable past.
And perhaps that is part of the problem. He knows how very lucky he is. He knows what he has is something most Visitors don't even bother imagining. He knows he's the start of what the Column wanted to see happen or at least hoped could happen. But it's hard to be a soldier your entire life and then come home to domestic life. He's had a very good run at it, but he can feel his grip loosening.
He doesn't want to tell her. He's hoping he's just imagining. Even though each passing day the feeling only grows. He's hoping maybe the Column will need him again. That something will change, but every day it's the same thing.
Tonight, after he's tucked Elizabeth in and Juliet is feeding Jonah, he tells her he's going out for some air. He's out there looking at the stars, missing the truth of who he is and tired of living this life that feels like he's laid down and stopped standing up for what he believes in. And even as he knows that's not the truth, he can't stop himself from feeling it.